I’m excited to present to you my guest blogger for the day, Mr. Ed Duncan. He is a graduate of Norfolk State University (undergraduate studies) and Howard University (graduate studies). Ed is new to the blogging world, but he is hoping to have an active blog site where he provides resources for people in the Human Service field. Please be on the lookout for more information on http://therapistcouch.net. You can find Ed on Twitter @TemplerEd
Please enjoy his post!
A long time ago, I heard that there is someone for everyone and we all have a soul mate or a soul tie to someone on this marble of a plant. But what happens if you are not fortunate enough to find that person. Is something wrong with single people? If everyone around is married or has someone of interest in their life, what happens to the single people? Another question, how many of us have dated for years, but never felt they have found the “One”? You know, that “one” you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. The “One” who you feel understands you, the “One” you feel you cannot live without. Wow, LIVE WITHOUT!!! Let’s not even talk about if you are 40 and you still have not found “Your Life Partner”. This blog post is related to a recent article I read in the Washington Post by Ellen McCarthy, When You Never Find The One. The author had interviewed several single women in their 50’s that were never married and never had children. One woman was 58 years old. She grew up in Queens NYC, in a two-parent household. She felt that she had done everything right; graduated from college, took up hobbies, built a successful career in media and surrounded herself with a warm loving circle of friends, and dated plenty of men, but none of them were a match. Another single successful actress, in her 60’s wrote in her autobiography titled, Then Again, “I never found a home in the arms of a man”. The author explained, “The hope is for a constant companion who will bear intimate witness to our lives. Who will heighten our joy and ease our suffering. Who will be our designated collaborator and caretaker, sparing us the effort of constantly fending for ourselves.” After reading the article, I concluded that it is a common idea that two lives joined together creates happily ever after, the end. Never mind that most marriages end in divorce, and a large percentage of those who continue to stay married, do so unhappily.
There are a lot of lonely hearts in the world looking for “the one”, but for some reason, they never find that special person. Millions of people pay for expensive dating internet sites in search for their soul mates. The luxury of online dating sites wasn’t available for prior generations. I wonder how and why the dynamics have shifted. Why has meeting that special someone become a concern for the majority.
A study by Bella Paulo found that “people who were married or had always been single were cohabitating, separated, divorced or widowed who were significantly less well. In terms of married people living longer, she found that of 1,528 individuals tracked from the age of 11 years old, there was no difference in their life span from people who were divorced, widowed, or single. The truth of the matters is, things are changing. There are over 96.6 million people single in America, 51% of people are married compared to the 72% of the “Brady Bunch/Golden Area of the American Nuclear family from the 60’s. Approximately 40% of people believe that marriage is obsolete, 88 out of 100 people are unmarried, 11.6 million single parents lived with their children in 2009, and 29% of people are married by the age 20 compared to 68% of people in the same age range in 60’s.
I find the change to be the times. Most unmarried, childless adults place personal factors before marriage, which causes time that wasn’t really considered in generation’s prior. Education, career, religious morals, self-discovery among other self important issues have all taken precedence over marriage and long term relationships. Remember this marriage thing is forever. As stated by Andre 3000, “Forever…ever, ever…ever, ever”. The statistics supporting the divorce rate makes me realize that having patience is important. The host of this blog is a very spiritual person, so she would appreciate when I quote Psalms 46:10 “Be still and know I am God”. Know that if you put GOD first, everything will work out for your good. The thing I notice in the article I read, even though these women were single at an elderly age, they were content with themselves and their lives. One interviewee stated in the article, “I’ve survived and had a really full, rich, interesting life. Part if it is spreading the good news, that I am single, happy and content. Move, there is nothing to see here”.